love is a bitterpill

Love is a bitterpill.  It was nothing but a statement to me a couple of years back. I was all single then, never fell in love, but was around people who got crazy over it. My friend wrote a poem about this and he recited it to me a lot of times, I acted like I knew exactly what he was talking about…. Love is a bitterpill to swallow, so he said.  I never really did dwell on that statement, but for some strange reason it would hit me every now and then.. the poem was short and was easy to memorize, yet this was the only line I could ever remember.. I never really thought I would ever get to say this line to myself, I didn’t care bout love, I don’t even know how it feels back then… all I knew was I had a crush, and all I ever wanted was for him to like me back, he never did.. but I didn’t feel much pain then, in fact, I can’t remember what I felt that time.

Love is a bitterpill.  Its addicting yet hard to swallow. For some reason, love makes people very stubborn, hence making love a bitterpill… we insist on what’s not there, on who’s not there, and what’s never there… we pursue things that are clearly not meant for us, we justify things and make it all look worthy, even if sometimes, it is a bitterpill to swallow.

I can count by just one hand how many times I found love.  I lost it, but yeah, I found it at in the most exciting and strangest of moments.. of the few times that I loved, the last one hit me bad. Oh so bad. It found me at the most fascinating moments.. and I lost it in the most painful way. I never took “chemistry” in couples seriously, it was really not in my must-have list, but I swear, when you have it, you will never get enough of it… you will get so drawn to it that you get so disillusioned that it is what makes your relationship exciting… you find it so phenomenal that it was all that mattered to you… you brush off issues and unanswered questions… all because you-could-not-pass-up-such-chemistry shit…I was such a bad victim. The smart-miss-know-it-all-when-it-comes-to-love guru fell for it.  Such shame. No regrets though. I loved every moment of it.. but I know that it didn’t love me back at all. 

I made love sugarcoated… even if I knew it was a bitterpill.